Sometimes, you lose connections. Connections to places and people. You were once tied to them by an almost unbreakable string. But the string has snapped.
You stepped outside their comfort zone to develop your own mind, person and spirit. Yours is simply changing. Taking on different shapes and different colors.
Last Saturday, I went to a potluck. We ate, as you always do at a vegan potluck, we made music, danced around, did card readings and talked, a lot. But still, this time was different. Time flew by. I was with a group of people so inspiring, positive and connected to their souls I couldn’t help but leave feeling more energized, inspired and joyful.
Now it took me quite a while to get there. Both literally and figuratively.
There was some trouble with the trains so it took 2 trains, 1 bus and 1 tram ride, all together adding up to almost 3 hours. But when I arrived I couldn’t have been happier.
It has taken me a while to find people I can really connect with on a soul-level.
The money it cost me is meaningless. The time it took to come and go is an investment. An investment in friendship, growth and soul.
The people I used to hang out with were, and some still are, focused on completely different things. When I’m with them, now, it can feel like it costs me energy. This is partly because they have totally different priorities in life.
Another factor is the feeling that they’re holding on to an older version of me. The me that was crippled by depression, hurt and self-doubt. It’s like they’re holding on to someone else, and still projecting her onto me. I let her go a long time ago. I’m a completely different person from 4 years ago.
I guess I no longer have as strong as a connection with these people and they don’t with me either simply because I am not the person they think I am, anymore. It can just feel like they haven’t realized the fact that I’ve changed.
It’s a difficult process. But growing apart from those other friends doesn’t mean that the friendship that once existed is lost or that you can never talk anymore. It just means that sometimes, when people grow, they grow apart.
I’ve changed. Of course I have. We all do. But it’s through these people I’m surrounded by that I realize how much. And it also makes me realize how much more changing there’s left for me.
I thought about this and the impending work discouraged me for a moment. Some moments it can seem like a never-ending pile of work. For example, there are still moments when I feel insecure about the way I look. When I saw all the pictures and the way I looked in them I felt a little bad about the way I looked. Both the things I can’t change and for not putting more effort into the way I looked that day. But we actually talked about this. The way in which, when you meet other people, you only look at their outsides for a second. It’s the person on the inside that you notice in the long run. I’m trying to do more of that for myself, too.
So maybe these aren’t the most flattering pictures. So what? The joy emanating from them is beautiful, and that’s what really matters.
This day I realized how wonderful it is to be able to spend more time with beautiful people. Learning, socializing, eating and growing. How wonderful to have this opportunity to absorb all of this that I’m energized and inspired by. How wonderful it is to be alive, following my bliss and filling my soul.
I can’t wait to do it some more.